// September 11th, 2007 // No Comments » // Children, Fathering, Manhood, Parenting
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The “wussification” of America. I recently attended a mens event with my father in law and brother in law, where we were privileged to laugh with a great comedian. Brad Stine is the one who used the phrase in his new comedy sketches, you can check him out online at Brad Stine dot Com
The masculine identity in American culture and the western Church is being tested, challenged, wussified and most drastically emasculated. Women are not the ones doing the emasculating either. I see the lack of action from strong, courageous and willing men as more of the problem. For too many years we as men have allowed women to be the sole nurturing influence in our children’s lives and thus our children, especially boys, have lost what it means to fight for weak, widowed and orphaned people. They have not lived a life of adventure and wonder. They have not lived dangerously fought valiently for the beauty in their lives. They live in a safe world because in all honesty a womens world is not dangerous, nor should it be, it is full of safety and security.
Don’t get me wrong, Women are vital, but when their is lack of male leadership, we get a generation of wussified boys whose biggest battle is whether to get out of bed or not or score the highest score in Halo. I believe men need to step up and be the men God intended them to be. It is not entirely the culture’s fault that men are uninvolved in spiritual life, and have become lazy. Men need to stand up and take responsibility for themselves, their family and their callings. They need to fight for their children.
The next day as we were driving home after the Men’s Night out, Meg was reading a parents magazine to me. we stopped at a stoplight (a long one) and I began to look at the article and think to myself, No that’s not right. (You can read the article online at They are what we call them!)
The article deals with naming our children or as they put it, labeling our children. Saying that we should not label our children “negatively” with words like shy, wild, stubborn or defiant….instead we should label them careful, energetic, tenacious, or courageous respectively.
To quote the author, “These simple substitutes can go a long way toward making your child feel he’s great.” Well all this may be fine and dandy if you a.) want to lie to your children or b.) when dealing with your boys you want them to be little princesses or c.) think that everyone in the world he or she will come in contact with cares about making your child feel like he’s great, like you do. Yes it is our job and duty to establish our child’s self esteem but should we lie to our children to make them feel good? Not everyone is a winner. Get over it.
The new label, as the author of the article suggests, for stubborn is tenacious. While I admit that the new label holds some truth I think the “old” label does as well. For example, my son is a tenacious little man, but he is also very stubborn when he doesn’t want to do what he should be doing. Other labels I had issue with. The “wild” label changed to the energetic label. While it is in fact true that my daughter is very energetic and full of spunk and charisma, I would argue that there are many times she is wild and out of control. However I want my boys to know that God gave them a warrior spirit and their heart cries to be wild, to be challenged, and that they are courageous as they stand staring defiantly in the face of evil.
I understand that what I’m reading may be written from the perspective safety of the womb and the nurturing mother of a toddler. One day that toddler will have to grow up and deal with a broken, hurt, lost and frightening world. I know that one day my toddler will have to leave the cocoon of his mother’s care and enter the world of MEN. I want him, as well as my older children to understand truth and even though there are times they may be a slowpoke that doesn’t always mean their being thoughtful, and that when my daughter makes a fuss about something it doesn’t mean she’s being selective. Alternately, I’m very selective, just look at my wonderful wife, but I’m also very fussy about food and picky about what I eat.
Although intending to do our kids good by labeling them “safe” labels like careful instead of shy does no good for developing our child’s sense of self, purpose or truth in the world we live in.
Let me know what you think.
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