Death oh Death…

Carrying The Load

Sitting in worship recently, I felt compelled to tell this story.  This story is one of great joy and immesurable pain.  We are quickly approaching the end of 5 years as a family and celebrating 11 years as a covenant in marriage.  We were singing a classic “Wonderful, Merciful, Savior”during our contemporary traditional worship service…this song brought the reality of the collision of our covenant with the promise of family to my frontal lobe.

You give the healing and grace
Our hearts always hunger for

This phrase reminded me of the death we watched our children experience 4 years ago.  The day that we met face to face and the nights of sorrow that immediately followed.  I felt it in those days but this song rushed those emotions back.  I believe their spirits were experiencing a death and boy was it painful.  The sadness was evident as they mourned with body heaving wails that cried from the depths of their tiny little souls.  It was the single hardest thing I have had to sit and listen to.

The unique thing about that experience, was that we could feel their pain.  I remember just holding my wife as she hurt to hear the pain of our little ones.  I remembered songs like this and held onto the hope that God was and is the great healer and comforter.  We take this life day by day and even though other days are harder than others, we cling to hope that God knows what he’s doing.  If we didn’t, what hope would we have.

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