teamhuerta

N.A.M (09) Homeschooling

// November 6th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Adoption, National Adoption Month, Parenting

We recently listen to an old Focus on the Family series on parenting and homeschooling.  Where Dr. Dobson was interviewing Lisa Whelchel, the author of Creative Correction and actress that played Blair on on the 1980′s sitcom Facts of Life.  In the interview she talked about her reason for homeschooling, not all the auxillary reasons like dissatisfaction with public schools or the myriad of other auxillary reasons families cite.  Instead I commend her for even standing her ground with Dr. Dobson and saying the most important reason.  TIME!  If we want to shape and influence our children to assume the same value structure we hold, wouldn’t it be pertinent that spending Time with them helps fortify, solidify and establish that for them.  So we didn’t want to sacrifice the time it takes to have the greatest influence on our children.

Having adopted children really makes this evident to us.  We are already at a disadvantage right out of the gate.  We have limited time to make up for the previous years they did without.  We, specifically my wife, strongly desire to home educate.   Our field trips are family vacations, our camping trips become a combination of home-ec, PE, and history.  Time is the greatest benefit we have in home education.  Even though space is at a premium and the tables transform into desks, floors into science experiments, and family walks to the park act as PE, the family is together, learning together, living together, serving and giving together.

Now, we have no problem with the school system, in fact we live next to a very nice elementary school.  My wife has taught in public and private schools, I substitute teach, and am a high school coach and since my calling is to work with teens, you will find me in public schools on a weekly basis.   We don’t want to shelter our children from the world but we want to provide the basis for their experience of the world so that they are properly equipped to be God fearing productive members of our society, less focused on survival but on thriving!  Home education provides that for us.  We enjoy this freedom.

Hang in there…we’re in this together.

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N.A.M (09) The Art of Play…

// November 5th, 2009 // No Comments » // Adoption, National Adoption Month, Parenting

Play seems so natural, so second nature.  We often comment how; “When we were kids (fill in the blank).”  We weren’t inhibited with lack of creativity.  We played in the woods, climbed trees, rode bikes to burger king by ourselves.  Were the days really that much safer?  Were we just more acutely aware? or Were our parents crazy?  Neither, we were kids who were kicked out of the house because TV was a waste of time, or the sun just stayed out longer and there were less things to distract us or pull us inside.  Whatever it was, we loved it, and we knew that playing was not scientific.  There was expression in play and we thrived.

I, along with my best friend; Jon, built rock cities, foraged the neighborhood park for trees to climb, girls to heckle and things we could jump off of.  We were full of adventure and daring.  When we met our children for the first time, we had to encourage their creative abilities.  At first it was a great chore.  Although our children were hurting, it seemed like they knew too much about “Spongebob.”  Yes they watched all sorts of TV before they met us, in fact I think that is all they did.  So in order to help stimulate and develop play for them we had to teach them how to play.  Their lack of early stimulation and love fueled their inability to develop proper motor skills and creative habits, so with adoption of older children we had to teach and instruct and show them how to play, just like you have to with an infant, it didn’t come as second nature.

We taught them to ride a bike, they ALL started with training wheels, now they ride without hands sometimes.  We even all rode a real life BMX track together.  The oldest 2 have mountain biked with me, and loved it.  Their motor skills were weak, their creative muscles lacked stimulation.   We had to give ideas to them at first.  If you want your children to have great fun playing, you have to teach them and then send them out to “BE” until they get bored then encourage them with an idea send them back outside to “BE” some more, until they  learn that boredom is relative and not an option.   Silence is not the same as boredom, boredom stems from a lack of creativity.  Boredom is not an action, it is a state of your mind.  Idle hands make waste.  (good ole mom sayings)

It was hard not just wanting to turn the TV on (my wife and I agreed early on that TV would not be the focus of our kids creative lives but a very rare release for them), so it quickly became a non-option for their day.  They know this and thus have adjusted and would now rather; read, go outside and catch bugs, ride their bikes, climb a tree, move dirt with their dump trucks, design castles and have tea parties than think about watching TV, although they enjoy an occasional family movie.

Playing is an Artform…but a learned artform!

Play is not as natural a thing for us, take a look at infants for example. We teach and expect parents to teach their babies how to play and why should we expect anything different for adoptive parents of older children, it just seems natural.

Play is a learned behavior, even though most of us would say it’s second nature, because that’s the idea.  We teach something so that it will one day become second nature.

We’re in this together….I’m pulling for you!

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N.A.M (09) The Challenges…

// November 4th, 2009 // No Comments » // Adoption, National Adoption Month, Parenting

Yesterday, I wrote about the realities of adopting older children.  Today, I want to write about the added challenge of adopting multiple children at once.

-2 Challenges of multiple child adoption!-

To compound the challenges of older children, adopting more than 1 child presents it’s own set of challenges and benefits.  Being school age and able to realize the pain but not fully understand it, presents unique obstacles  Here are a couple of the challenges.

1. Having energy to console multiple children who hurt deeply at the same time, when you are outnumbered!

When we were initially brought together as a family, it was very difficult to listen to the gut wrenching whaling that they all endured as a result of saying goodbye to their foster families.

This issue isn’t unique to multiple children being adopted but it is magnified, cause for the first 2 weeks, every night one of them would start talking in their native language, ours happened to be Spanish, and then they would all say, “SI!” and then start crying, then bawling, then whaling for about an hour or so.  Finally, they would fall asleep out of exhaustion, and we would curl up in our bed and cry ourselves to sleep.  How do you console 2, 3 or 4 little people who need to grieve and who you only have 2 arms to wrap around 1 or maybe 2 at a time.  Those were tough days.  Adoption isn’t easy.

2.  Helping them bond with you, when they already have a common bond with each other.

I didn’t realize this until we began talking with our friends about the joys of adopting multiple children at once.  It is difficult to create the reasons for them to bond with you when they can so easily relate and support each other, which isn’t a bad thing by itself, but can quickly become their only coping mechanism, and you are left out of the “inner circle.”   After all, they don’t know if this is the last place they are going to end up.  They form a mob mentality that becomes almost self sufficient; heck, they have “survived” this long without you already.  You must stress your love and define how they “NEED” you, because that isn’t always that clear, at least to them.

It took a long time but 2-1/2 years after bringing them home, we finally began to see success in this area.  We had to remind our little daughter, for a long time that her brothers have a mother and that she wasn’t “it!”  Define your roles early, it will help them understand their roles as your children.
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Hang in there…we’re in this together…more tomorrow on “Teaching them to play…”

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N.A.M (09)-Moldable pt.2

// November 3rd, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Adoption, National Adoption Month, Parenting

Sticking with the analogy of clay and adoption… I continue with this thought from yesterdays post.

We have seen that it takes more and more time to shape, bend, guide and reshape.  Because their little bodies, hearts and minds have more to overcome because of their prior circumstances.  They get dried faster than the well adjusted and loved child that had time to bond with their mother and challenge their father.  As the baby weens from the mother there is a bond that is formed with the father.

This process is all disrupted and institutionalization begins.  The clay begins to dry, no more water is added and the shape of the little people are dangerously incomplete.  Sometimes when the potter steps away for too long and when the wheel stops spinning, the shape is left in a crude mess.  We see this in the difference between our eldest son who was 5 -1/2 years old when he was removed from his home and our daughter who was 2-1/2.

We love all our children dearly, but speaking with honest reflection, we notice how hard it has been and how dry our eldest son’s “clay” was when we brought him home, relative to his younger sister and especially relative to his younger brother (4-1/2 years yonger).  We have just now, almost 3 years later, added the proper amount of water to get the clay workable again and begin to mold and teach.

Prior to this, we have been in survive and keep alive mode, just add enough to bring the clay back to life… we saw some of this rejuvenation last night in honest emotion that is rare but he showed as we walked in discipline with our son; it’s tough, but it’s worth it…hang in there if you can relate, we are in this together! (continued Tomorrow)

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N.A.M (09) Moldable pt.1

// November 2nd, 2009 // No Comments » // Adoption, National Adoption Month, Parenting

For those that don’t keep up with Adoption world life. The month of November is celebrated in America as the National Adoption Month. This month’s posts for me will focus on adoption. Most basic adoption questions have been answered in other posts related to adoption on this site (search “Adoption”), so this month I will celebrate with you what I’ve learned about adoption. (from a father’s perspective)

Moldable:
There are several analogies to us as “clay” in the potters hand. When I was about 12 or 13 my mother took this pottery making class that she made me and my 2 little brothers go to. So as she was sitting in class in this old building in the middle of town, we would work on our homework in the hallway, or wander through the building trying not to break anything. I remember watching my mom and the class throw the clay on the wheel, once they did that, it’s like the clay just went splat, then they would take their wet hands and begin to push, pull, stretch and guide the lump of wet clay into a shape. Seemed easy enough, so when I was allowed to try with a small residual lump, I made a little cup. I think I broke that mug…hmmmm. There was one thing I remember very clearly was the amount of water you had to keep applying to the clay as you worked it, it would eventually be very difficult to continue to form without water. In fact the drier the clay got the harder it was to work, duh!

As I relate this idea to our adoption. Being that we adopted older children, this idea is worth exploring. I believe that children are mold-able. I know not many people will argue with that idea but I also believe that adults are mold-able as well. So somewhere on the spectrum between childhood and adulthood we become more set for the kiln.  Death is the Kiln in this instance, because we are not in our final state until then.  (eternity and all)   So taking this idea that kids are moldable apply it to adoption and you begin to understand what time does to the process.  Time is the enemy when you adopt older children as gravity is the enemy to flight.  (continued Tomorrow)

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He is like me!

// April 21st, 2009 // 4 Comments » // Adoption, Fathering

Well today has been quite a day.  Supermom woke up super early this morning and corralled the two youngest ones off with her to the dentist.  We are trying to get our bi-annual checkups completed.  I followed them to the dentist with the oldest.  Now, a trip to the dentist is always a bummer deal for me, cause I have a less than stellar record of keeping my periodontes white and shiny! 

But what made this day more exciting was waking up and not being able to speak clearly due to a rather coarse sandpaper feeling in my throat.   So when I got to the dentist and sat down to be cleaned, rather hacked at with metal toothpicks and fingernails on a chalkboard type instruments, I was rather unconversational with the dental hygenist.  One word answers flew out of my mouth as reluctant and nasaly as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs with a clothespin pinching it’s tail.  I know that makes no sense but hopefully it made you laugh! 

Now that in itself would all be a wonderful blog, but the main reason I write is something the real dentist said to me. You know how the dentist comes in to check the hygenists work and pokes you with the longer more painful metal toothpick searching for cavities by pressing the pointed metal tip in those sensitive areas on your teeth and waiting to see you flinch or squirm in pain.  Well lucky for me I was cavaty free, bummer for the dentist.  I don’t know how they stare at mouths all day, after just a minute looking at my teeth in the mirror, I begin to see why dentist are some of the most depressed MD’s in all of ‘doctordum.’

But my point.  As he was examining my teeth he noticed the gap I have in my upper 2 front teeth and he made this comment, "You’re son has the exact same gap in his teeth!"  Wow.  He doesn’t know our kids are adopted and I wasn’t about to correct his innocent comment, because I love to hear stuff like that, it makes me feel humbled and helps me remember that God does know what he is doing when he enlarges families through adoption.  I am a happy dad, with clean teeth today! 

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Adoption, you don’t need a Tax Credit anymore!

// March 16th, 2009 // No Comments » // Adoption

Supermom and I were driving to the city the other day when she read an update on her phone from one of the adoption forums she keeps up with.  In it, it declared something that made us sad.  In december of 2010 the Adoption Tax Credit is set to phase out.  For those that are not familiar with what I am talking about, hang in there, I will explain.

The adoption tax credit allows families that have legitimate adoption expenses to take a credit on the year their adoption is finalized and for 4 subsequent years thereafter.  Now the tax credit has an income limit (which we aren’t even close to) and it is only a credit to the family that incurs expenses out of pocket, so excluding grants and scholarships from agencys.  Basically what the tax credit does is reduce the taxes you owe each year for up to 5 years or approx. $11,000/child whichever comes first.

For example, if you pay $20,000 for an adoption but you get $5000 from ABC grant company and you get a scholarship (grant) from your homestudy agency of $1000, then you can only claim $14000.  An adoption, for 1 child, that is finalized in 2009 will be eligible to get an approx. $11000 tax credit. (The credit is per child and I say approx. cause I don’t know the exact amount this year.)  So when you claim the $14000, the tax credit will only benefit you on the first ‘$11000′.

Great, but how does it work after that.  Well if you make $50K a year, then you are liable to pay the government ‘$X’ every year in taxes, right?!  So if that X is equal to $3k, then your taxes (not taxable income) will be reduced by $3k in year one, year two, and year three.  That gives you a total of $9K benefit over 3 years, right.  Then in year four you will only be able to take $2k in credit leaving you owing $1k in taxes.  This is just an example and your tax rate may be different but I hope you understand the math.

All that explanantion leads me to this,  It would be a big blow to adoption if our government saw it necessary to do away with the adoption tax credit.  For some families, this is what helped them move forward and answer the special call God placed on their hearts to be adoptive families.

I suspect however, that God will still bless those who care for the orphaned and the widowed, no matter what the US government does or doesn’t do!

(read the article that started this thought for me at http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=1113

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Orphan Annie is a myth!

// March 10th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Adoption, Children

Children are some of the most resilient things I know.  When people abuse children I believe God’s heart truly breaks.  Sometimes when I consider what we are going through as it relates to our children, I want to excuse it away with, “…well, they’re adopted!”  Sometimes, we don’t know what to do!   How do you help a child believe that you won’t send them away or hurt them like the other adults have in their life?
Before we completed our adoption, I used to think that adopting a 5 or 6 year old child would be the same as adopting a 0-3 year old.  Now, not so much.  The 5 or 6 year old, although it’s only 3 years difference, has had 3 more years of hurt and confusion and uncertainty in their lives.  They may not be able to verbalize what it is, but I see it, it is there.  Now compound that with the adoption of a 7-10 year old and you would think there is not much difference from the 5-6 year old, but there is, and it IS significant.

The hurt is so much more internalized and the survival methods, whatever they may be, from “fits of rage” to “infantile whailing,” are more evident at this stage.   I have come to the conclusion that little Orphan Annie with the ever present optimistic mind is a myth.  I think the hurt of being “abandoned or abused” is too great for a little mind to reconcile and God, through his Grace and people, is the only one that can truly heal.  Don’t get me wrong, many children waiting to be adopted are hopeful and prayerful for a forever family, and Annie’s adventure filled story helps give children hope.  From my experience, just having a forever family doesn’t “immediately” wash away the years of hurt.

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Another Reason to Adopt!

// February 14th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Adoption, Fathering, Funny, Life, Manhood, Uncategorized

This is by far one of the best reasons to adopt.  Today we picked up my mother and little brother from the airport.  We brought them to our house and settled in for the night.  We tucked the kids into bed and began to wind down, when supermom says, “Honey, we (means ME) should turn the water heater up so that everyone can have a warm shower in the morning.”  Okay, sounds like a great idea. 

So I ran to the toolbox grabbed the appropriate supplies and began the tedious task of cleaning out the closet and contorting my body into the tight small space the water heater occupies.  So I got it turned up and now the fun part….  Putting the cover over the dial.  When all of a sudden, the metal door I am getting ready to screw in place makes contact with a couple of the exposed wires causing a “harmless” spark that then starts the insulation on a burn. “OH CRAP!” and like superman, I rip the sliding door off its hinge, throw the paint cans off the fire extinguisher we bought because of our adoption pre screening.   Rip it out of a box like a baby during a C-section, and pop the little pin off, AIM, FIRE,  the fire is out…..YAYYYYYYY.   Now I gotta clean up the mess and reset the breaker, all is well in the Huerta home.

Thanks to the adoption Home Study which scared us into buying a fire extinguisher!

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Corruption of the Few!

// September 29th, 2008 // 1 Comment » // Adoption, Children, Christianity

    Over the last couple of weeks supermom and I have been keeping close eyes on a subject that is dear to our hearts….No, not the "economic" crisis we seem to be in, (we’ll talk about that in later posts)  but the tragedy of our agency.

    When seraching for adoption agencies, a couple years ago, we fell in love with CHI.  Now CHI is slowly fading away, due to some unscrupulous  individuals that worked for them. I deal with Christian organizations as a profession and I have worked for and still work for different ones.  One thing I know is that Good Christian Organizations are run by people, and people are not perfect…just take a look at David or read Romans 3:23. 

    CHI is fading away and the fragment that is left is trying to pick up the pieces.  They are no longer able to fulfill adoptions in many countries because they lack the necessary credentials that were stripped from them because a handful of people that used to work for them, lied.   

    This makes us sad.  So as our government attempts to ‘solve’ a global economic ‘crisis’ we gasp and hold on to hope that our adoption agency, which we love and are grateful for, is able to once again unite families together forever.

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