Plenty of blogging rings on womanhood, and a mother’s perspective on adoption and I have found some, albeit a few committed blogging dads.  I still feel quite alone or unique in writing from my perspective on fatherhood.  I hope it will benefit some other dads out there.

Now don’t hear me wrong, I ain’t a saint, I have my problems with being ‘over-committed’ aka addicted to working too long, surfing too much, playing soccer too much and just being forgetful.  I work everyday on loving my wife and she loves me even when I am selfish.

I hope that many dads who may read this will be encouraged by my words and my experiences.

Adoption is one of the most misunderstood and misinterpreted things in parenthood.  Bad press, like corrupt social services, media that has the motto “if it bleeds, it leads,” and people that feel like having adopted children is like being a second class citizen.  Recently our county, city, and state governments are facing this very stipulation from a handful of greedy politicians and immature social workers.  I don’t want to talk much about that here, because I don’t want to highlight it any more than the press has already done.  But, when we saw this, our hearts were broken and our minds baffled by the circumstances.   

The thing that I want to focus on is our wonderful agency, Children’s Hope International.  I know that there are several great agencies out there but we chose CHI.  So my experience with agencies is a little one sided. My vote is for CHI

Some things that will help you make the proper decisions when seeking out an agency to use for adoption.  I will list what I believe to be the top 3 things to look for when considering an agency: (all of these we felt strongly characterized our agency and their staff.)

3. Understanding/explaining the process. When you attend the informational seminar (which you should do b4 making any decision) the agency should be able to answer every question you can think of related to the process of adoption and how they will help you.  They should be able to clearly define and explain the costs involved and the payment expectations and work with you on seeking individual solutions for financing, and or affording adoption. If the person giving the seminar isn’t “the expert” on the countries policies and procedures you are considering, they should put you in touch with someone from their agency who is, ASAP.

2. Accredited Programs.  Any agency you choose should have a valid up to date accreditations in their entire program.  They should also have up to date accreditations in the specific country you consider adopting from.  A symbol that is important to me also is the ECFA (Evangelical Council for Financial Accountability), this symbol represents trust and accountability with the agencies accounting practices. Knowledge of and adherence to The Hague rules and regulations is also important.

1. Shared Value System with Wonderful Staff.  The agency staff has to be friendly and gentle. Their Values must align with your value system. You don’t want to be getting advice from those whose value system you don’t share when you are at times emotionally taxed and looking for support and answers.

You will need to feel treated like a person and like you are the only one that matters. Punctuality in response, knowledge of questions, and reassurance are all important.  As you proceed through the process they will be the ones you call with “urgent” questions about the paperwork process.  They need to be calm under pressure and above all they need to treat you like you really, really matter.

10. We have survived our 1st ten months of parenting.
9. Our dog, Nala, has taken well to being the big sister.
8. “Manny” is speaking more words and uttering more sounds each day.
7. Card board boxes, (they entertain for hours and make cool cars for Awana drive in night)
6. Bed time routines.
5. Memorizing Scripture (this helps the kids speak and learn the english language)
4. A steady Job (provides great comfort and assurance of God’s providence)
3. Playing outside, (entertain for hours with a little dirt)
2. Grandparents (always willing to love)
1. Super Mami (without her, the kids would still be illiterate and still leave the toilet seat up)

What are you Thankful for this thanksgiving and Christmas season?

What is the difference between older child adoption and adopting infants/toddlers.  There is varied opinions on what constitutes older child adoption.  No matter the flavor, international or domestic adoption I would say that older child adoptions include but are not limited to those that are 2-18 yr olds. See this link.

Older child
adoptions are usually more readily available than infant adoptions as a
good amount of adoptive parents are interested in adopting a child who
is still in the infant stage of life.

   When we set out to adopt 2 years ago, we “wanted,” “desired,” and “thought” about having a new baby in our house.  Never did we consider the option of having an older child in our family.  As you found out above, older child adoptions start with 24 month olds.

As we moved through the process, we began to see our hearts change and our perspective of family change as well.  Wherever you are at in the process to adoption or in life, we hope that you will always give thanks for what you have.

Here’s a verse to hold onto this week: 1 Thesselonians 5;16-18, “Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

“that was a sad day Mami. We no happy.”
“Why, dear?”
“Cause we said goodbye to our other mami! We no see her no more.”

This got me thinking.  Are we really that selfish to not consider the emotions of our children at such a
pivotal point in our lives together?  But only when we were ready to leave Colombia did I sob like a baby and hurt for them when they had to say goodbye to Colombia.  Read my post here for more on that thought.  I recall thinking briefly about their feelings but those thoughts quickly faded as we anticipated the new life we were about to have.

Meeting our kids was something we had waited for, prayed for and hoped for over a year.  It was the climax of our journey to adopt on our roller-coaster.  We had finally left the train station and “clicked” all the way up the hill.  We never thought about it from their perspective.  Yeah it may one day in the distant future be a climax to them but they were on a different type of rollercoaster that day.  They woke up that morning said goodbye to their “foster-mami” for the last time, ate their last breakfast at ‘that’ table.  Mowgli said goodbye to his friends at school potentially forever as he left for siesta that day.  Lord knows what was going through his mind.

Maybe the frightened look that covered their faces that day was not because we were ugly or looked mean but because they were grieving.  Grieving is a natural by-product of adoption.  As new parents, you will have to stand firm, cry with them, reassure them, and just hold them to allow their tears to penetrate God’s heart and yours.  I believe that as I hurt, my heavenly father hurts too.  I honestly think that in those nights where we were absolutely heartbroken over our children’s tears of sorrow and hurt, that the Holy Spirit carried us through and we can and will look back and see only 1 set of footprints in the sand.

Some of us forget, but Moses was adopted.  He inherited the pharaohs family and it’s power. Ultimately we know God used the position Moses had and the influence he had in the pharaohs family to bring the Israelites to freedom.  Moses is a great example of what adoption means and how God views the adopted.   I think that is where I will end the analogy.

Tip of the Day: Take time in the next week to do something with your child.  Build a fort, build a car out of boxes, play star wars in the back yard, play dress up in the living room, play a board game, or have a tickle fight.  Cheap and inexpensive ideas for lasting memories with your kids. (make sure you let them try, and fail and encourage them when they succeed.)

“It is the cry of my heart to honor you, it is the cry of my heart worship you…” this  contemporary worship song continues on to describe our heart for worshiping God.  What exactly is the cry of the orphan?

Love, Hope, and Home.  My previous job taught me many things about children, teenagers especially, which can be applied to understanding the Cry of Orphans as well as the cries of everyones heart.  These things are:

1. You ARE loved without strings. This statement is true for everyone, not just for the orphan or the hurting kid.  There is a evidence of this found in the Bible, when you read 1 John 4:19-”We love because he first loved us.” This is to say that our love is conditional and our ability to love is based on God’s unconditional, no strings attached love for us.  Ultimately the truth of that statement for everyone is true because God is Love (1 John 4:8,16)

2. You are Lovable, capable and worthwhile.  This statement of truth brings hope to the hurting soul.  The truth of this statement challenges the messages that the world beats into the orphaned and even into the non-orphaned people like you or me.  Messages like; nobody wants you, you will never amount to anything, or your only worth something when I benefit from your existence.  Sometimes these messages come from the ones that are supposed to guide and protect us; like abusive parents, grandparents, teachers, or bosses.  Everyone needs to hear this and come to believe it is true.

3. You are not alone. This third statement infiltrates truth into the lie that the devil propagates everywhere he goes.  The lie that says, you are the only one that matters in this world, or the other lie that says, no one cares about you, why don’t you just…(end it, blame God, or hide it)  We tend to believe this on many levels, and orphans come to believe it because everyone has abandoned them, left them, and forgot about them.  The ways that it manifests itself in our lives is that we act selfishly, succumb to depression, or retreat to solitude to create a self fulfilling prophecy.  God promised Moses in Deuteronomy 31:6,8 saying that he “…will never leave them…” and how Jesus promised his disciples saying, “…surely I am with you ALWAYS…” in Matt:28:20. Just as he has promised to be with us always we believe that there is a place where we will be together and have a place to call home.

Wendy, the blogger at I will not leave you as orphans, recently commented on our site and agreed with my adoption definition from my previous post, Different?! She mentioned how thankful our children were for the gifts that were given to them.  Aside from the everyday struggles of parenthood, we are amazed at how children speak a universal language.  That language is JOY.

Joy at the simplest things, like stickers; “Manny” our 4year old ran down the aisle at church to be dismissed to children’s church on Sunday morning.  He was screaming with excitement and running with such enthusiasm that everyone in the church could see and hear him going down the aisle.  His joy was even more evident when the pastor handed a sticker to all the kids to which he taunted his big brother saying,”ook, ook, me, me Wees.”  (translate: look, look, me, me, Luis.”)  Sometimes as parents or adults we forget what “Joy” actually is until we see our kids get excited about something.

So in church yesterday, we watched a short video presentation from Operation Christmas Child and you wouldn’t believe that I felt water falling down my cheeks.  Meg and I smiled, turned to look at each other and both of our eyes were red with tears.  We said, “We know what they felt.”  The kids in the video were real people to us.  They were our children, they showed the same kind of enthusiasm and excitement about a Shoebox full of paper, glue, and dolls; as I show about a chance to play soccer or a new bike gadget or my iPod, and just as much excitement as “Manny” showed about his little sticker.  We cried cause we are forever connected to God’s heart for the orphaned and the widow.  Being an adoptive family doesn’t give us all the answers or a pass to God’s grace (that is a gift for everyone through Jesus) but we have a unique understanding of what it means to be “adopted as sons into God’s family.”

Please remember, that one way you too can help the orphans this Christmas is by putting a little shoebox together and sending it off to be given as a gift to one of God’s children. Here is the video that we watched, and make sure to have some tissues handy. Remember, God promises that “[He] will not leave you as orphans,” and that through his people others too will believe.

“Your home is the single most powerful arena on earth to change a life for God!”

-Bruce Wilkinson in The Prayer of Jabez

When I think of that quote that I recently came across in my quote box, I am reminded of it’s truth.  However, I think there is more to that thought than the quote suggests.  I think it is true but could be expanded to read like this, “Your home is the single most powerful arena to change the world for God!”

When I think of influence and impact in people’s lives, I think of what we are taught in ministry about training and equipping volunteers for ministry. The best way to share the gospel with every teenager in any given community is by multiplying yourself, not like Dolly the cloned sheep but like someone that equips others with the skills and the knowledge to impact students lives that I will never have the privilage of knowing.  So when I train 1 other adult to love Jesus to teens I have successfully multiplied my impact 10 fold.  Consequently, if I train 1 and they train 2 more, the impact of my influence is multiplied by up to 50 times.

So, by sharing my faith and imparting a value system that is Godly and just to my one child; I will hopefully live to see them influence many more people and share the truth of the gospel with them. Thus my legacy, by God’s grace, will have had a long lasting, far reaching impact that may even “CHANGE THE WORLD.”  Just think, I don’t have one to “train up in the way he should go and when they are old, they will not depart from it,” I have three.

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   They should be meeting their kids right now.  I can’t tell you how excited we are for them.  You can read their journey at Dressel Temporary Blog.  Celebrating adoption and seeing others enjoy the glory of adoption is very encouraging to us.  We hope that you will be challenged and encouraged by reading our blog.   Know that even more challenging than the entire adoption process is the entire parenting process.  What have been some of your struggles through your parenting or adoption stories?  Share them with us in the comments.